


Its Halloween The Thirteenth

by Demixian



Category: Friday the Thirteenth - Fandom, Halloween - Fandom, IT (2017)
Genre: Joke Fic, Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-25
Updated: 2018-12-25
Packaged: 2019-09-27 01:38:29
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 720
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17152877
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Demixian/pseuds/Demixian
Summary: You're just an average girl, but that's all about to change when the hottest movie villains start lusting after you!!!This is sort of a running joke between me and my friend Liss (@eldersatan on tumblr) this is my Christmas gift for her so don't be too taken aback by my sudden change in genre and fandom lmao





	Its Halloween The Thirteenth

It was a dark, sunny day in a non-specific area of Manchester, and you were stretching yourself awake but not in the gross way real people do, in the cute, elegant way they do in the movies. Your silk sheets were unfortunately not spattered with blood, and because of this you sighed sadly. You longed desperately to live in a slaughterhouse, but even your enormous wealth could not afford the real estate. Instead, you had to settle for living in a lavish and spacious apartment. Just as you were thinking all of this, there was a knock on the door.

 

“That must be the postman!” you cried happily, jumping gracefully out of your soft bed and onto the fluffy, carpeted floor. You daintily sprinted over to the door and opened it, only to be met by a gorgeous redhead with pale, porcelain skin and luscious red lips. You swooned momentarily before batting your eyelids at the tall stranger.

 

“Hiya,” said the stranger, raising what would have been an eyebrow if it weren’t for the absence of one with a red vertical line in its place. It is only then that you noticed the red balloon attached to a string that he holds in his left hand. He smirks smirkily, his jaundiced orbs staring at you in a googly fashion.

 

“C-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-c-can I help you?” you stuttered sexily, turning your head away bashfully as he smiles a toothy smile that reveals his two smooth, banana-yellow front teeth. You tried desperately not to stare at the vast expanse of his alabaster forehead, blushing to think of all the places its been. He smirked again, even smirklier, as he seemed to know just what you’re thinking.

 

“Do you wanna float with me?” he asked, raising his red vertical line again. Before you could answer, however, you felt a presence behind you. A very big presence.

 

You turned dramatically to see the tallest man you’d ever seen — if it was a man. He looked a bit like William Shatner, but his face, like the stranger at the door’s, was bone white.

 

“I’m the darkness,” he said in a low croak. “And I’m here to consume you.”

 

You stumble backwards into the first man’s arms, taken aback with fear and lust as the tall man approaches you. Just as you feel your consciousness fading, you hear a chainsaw revving. In your excitement you dive between the two ridiculously forward men towards the sound, only to see no evidence of a chainsaw in sight. You begin to cry; ever since Leatherface broke your heart Last Christmas (©George Michael 1986), you’ve been hearing the ghostly echo of chainsaws when there a none around.

 

As you sob into your fluorescent pink carpet, you feel a cold metal blade gently touch your face. You look up to see another masked man, this time nearly as tall as the first. He is soaking wet and dripping what smells like pond water and is holding a machete to your chin. You feel your ovaries physically rupture as you are overwhelmed with the room’s mounting BDE (Big Dick Energy). You pass out.

 

* * *

 

The room around you is dark. You are lying, fully clothed (it’s important to mention that, you’ll see), on what feels like an operating table. The three strangers from earlier are gathered around it, staring intently at you. From the darkness, down at your feet, a man with chestnut hair and a garishly coloured suit emerges from the darkness, letting out a low growl that eventually grows into a loud, raucous laugh.

 

“GrrrrrrrrRRROOOOVY BABY YEAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!”

 

The three strangers join in the laughter, high fiveing as a speaker in the corner of the room plays a dubstep remix of ‘Despacito’. You can hardly contain your excitement.

 

The redhead with the pale skin cocks his head to one side and pats you on the knee. “It okay if we strip you now?” he asks in a voice not dissimilar to that of Goofy’s. You don’t respond immediately, and the four men begin to frown as the music shifts into an acoustic piano cover of ‘the same song. You keep them waiting for a moment before you laugh maniacally.

 

“Of course! What are you waiting for?”

 

They all laugh along with you, then proceed to get their potato peelers out as you smile blissfully.

 

 

 

 


End file.
